Geez, you know, I hate to be another detractor going after Britney Spears, but I just can’t help myself. One of her latest songs and videos – written by Ke$ha – features Brit writhing around (yes, I know, nothing new…) in a head to toe studded, half leather, half stocking thing, flipping her hair about and dancing up a storm in a sewer with a bunch of other beautiful people, clad in gear ordered from the Super Sexy Post Apocalyptic Outfitters catalogue.
I know, I know, shoot me. I have been caught, in the past, wearing clothes ordered from the same catalogue, but … but, I wasn’t singing about the day of tribulation, the abomination of desolation, the great Revelation; I was singing about much more vacant matters, which makes it somewhat excusable. Well, okay, maybe not….
Firstly, if it was the end of the world, I wouldn’t be cutting the rug in two feet of, well … POO, in my thigh highs.
Secondly, I would be: hoarding canned goods and high tailing it to the nearest mountaintop, NOT bossing the DJ around.
Thirdly, I would be freaking out, which for me, might look a bit like dancing, but probably not.
She doesn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that buildings are crashing down around her like the Twin Towers on 9/11, or the fact that pitch correction will likely be obsolete in the future.
And where are the children? She is on a special planet with no children, where people have dance parties in sewers. Alright, I’ll stop….
The sad fact is that I think she actually has talent.
I suppose this pushes buttons for me as, looking back, I sheepishly admit to making a moronic video or two. Or three. Yes, definitely only three.
Last night Angella came to me quite excited and wanted to see the video of me with the huge robot thingy. At first I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, until she shared that a boy in her Grade 2 class told her – according to him – that her mom had a video with a super-cool-monster-robot thing that breathed fire.
I realized she was talking about the “Metal Queen” video: the one with the stupid aluminum drum riser that was supposed to look like a menacing space-spider and ended up looking like a giant tin turtle that wobbled with every snare hit. Alas, one of my greatest artistic disappointments … well, next to signing my “in perpetuity” contract with Attic Records. You get over it.
We watched for about 40 seconds until Angella, bored stiff, said “What robot thingy??” I had to find it and freeze-frame it just before the second chorus.
“That thing … that’s what Jayden is talking about?” she asked.
“Well, I think so…” I said.
She promptly jumped off my lap and ran to join Jett, who was playing a game of Skylanders on Wii.
Apparently if you are pre-CGI you are prehistoric. And not very cool.
Good thing I’m okay with that….